Feelings

Good Bye LJ Hello Facebook

2007-04-19T15:49:51Z

Sawry u guis I'm going to stop posting here..and post journals on my facebook...see you there

Nashville TN Here I come!

2007-04-11T02:42:02Z

I finally did the photo shoot last weekend! Yay! We;re doing more in Nashyville! I;m sooo stoked.
Check it out!

Omega Phi ownz!

Letting Go

2007-04-03T16:38:23Z

I've been reading this really great book, "The BIG BOOK of SMALL STUFF". It's really helping me not take life so seriously and it's like a therapy for me. Since I am prone to be depressed and get super anxious about rediculous things, because of my bipolar disorder...even tho the medicine's help a great deal, I still sometimes get these stupid thoughts in my head.

This guy pretty much says that our own thoughts are our worse enemy. For example, the stupid deadlines we make for ourselves. I know that I have the tendency to go crazy if I dunt get things done in one day, like cleaning my house. Than I get pissed...and have to find a blame for it. Which usually is my husband, poor thing.

These are two problems thata shouldn't happen. First the deadlines...you made them..you are putting pressure on urself. Is the world going to end if your house takes more than one day to clean?

The second problem, blaming others. I do this, everyone does it. It's easier to blame someone else than to actually sit there and analyze why something happened and just deal with the face that maybe you fucked up..and not someone else.

I recommend everyone read this book because it's not only for people with chemical imbalances like me, it's for everyone. Because we ALL go through these things in life, for what?

Lightening your physical load by throwing garage sales, giving away your old clothes and moving to a smaller house won’t automatically give you peace of mind.

To achieve calmness you need to break free of the mind-cluttering habits, worries and distractions that tie you in knots. Your life will be simpler only if you work on freeing your mind. Here are some practical steps you can take now..

ESSENTIALS OF SIMPLIFYING

Give yourself periods of “no phone calls” time
The telephone is one of the most regularly stressful distractions of life. It can be helpful to set aside a certain time of the day when you turn off the ringer or don’t answer the phone at all except in the midst of real emergencies.

Get an answering machine to take your calls so you can return them later

Make a list of personal priorities
Write them down on a sheet of paper and put the list away for a week or two. After some time has gone by, take out the list and reread it.

Ask yourself how you have spent your time and whether your actions were consistent with your list
If so, congratulations!
If not, begin taking steps to line up your behavior with your priorities.

Learn to love voice mail
It can be a huge time-saver and an excellent way to pass along information without being interrupted.
Example: Return telephone calls in the evening if you can answer specific questions on voice mail. This takes only a minute or two versus engaging in a 10- to 15-minute conversation.

Learn to say no without guilt
The problem with always saying yes is twofold. It makes you feel overwhelmed, stressed and tired. And you end up doing things you don’t want to or shouldn’t be doing -- all the while acting, on the surface, as if everything is just fine.

Helpful: When the request is made, ask yourself, “All things considered, is it in my best interest to say yes, or is it okay to refuse?” Put in this perspective, there are probably many instances when it’s perfectly fine to say no.

Give yourself an extra 10 minutes
Instead of always rushing, start out 10 minutes early instead of waiting until the last possible moment. You will find yourself with plenty of time to spare and less stressed out in the process.

Create a “selfish” ritual
When you have what you need in an emotional sense, you have plenty left over for others. Rituals can be as simple as squeezing exercise into your daily routine, browsing bookstores or having a quiet cup of coffee before work. The point is, it’s your time -- a special part of the day reserved just for you.

Let yourself off the hook
We often try to do everything. We work hard, stay organized, try our best to be good parents, spouses, friends and concerned citizens. Sometimes it’s too much.

Remind yourself that it’s impossible to be all things to all people all the time
Example: If you forget an appointment, don’t berate yourself for being stupid. Instead, view the mistake as a signal that you probably have too much on your plate.

Speak softly
When you speak too quickly and with a loud voice, the energy you send out into the world is frantic and nervous. People around you will feel pressured and slightly agitated. Speak more softly and you may discover that you begin to feel calmer and less stressed. Next, you’ll discover that everyone around you will quickly start to quiet down, too.

Embrace change
Truth is, everything is in a constant state of change -- our bodies, homes, children. We can fight and resist change or surrender and embrace it.

The problem with resistance is it’s a losing battle -- 100% of the time. When we try to resist the inevitable, we cause ourselves great pain and sorrow and miss out on a great deal of potential joy.

When we embrace change, we open the door to a far more peaceful existence. Then life becomes more of an adventure and each step seems more special and important.

Eliminate the “rat race” mentality
One of the problems of thinking about and discussing your job/life as being stuck in the rat race is that it sets you up to be frightened, impatient and annoyed. Decide to stop talking about your situation that way. Instead, recharacterize it in healthful ways.

Example: Instead of saying, “I spent my day in boring meetings listening to arguments and dealing with constant conflict,” try “The art of my work is bringing people together who, on the surface, don’t seem to get along very well. It’s a good thing I’m there to help.” Can you feel the difference?

Don’t dramatize deadlines
A lot of deadline stress comes not from the deadlines themselves, but instead from the energy wasted thinking about them, wondering whether we’ll meet them, feeling sorry for ourselves and, perhaps most of all, commiserating with others about them.

Working toward your goal without the interference of negative mental energy makes any job more manageable.

Create a bridge between your spirituality and your life’s work
This means taking the essence of who you are and what you believe into your work space. If kindness, patience, honesty and generosity are spiritual qualities that you believe in, make every effort to practice them at work.

Example: If it’s your job to reprimand someone, do so from a place of love and respect. Creating this spiritual bridge will remind you of a higher purpose and put your problems and concerns into a broader context.

Take breaks
Failure to take regular breaks not only wears you down, but also makes you less productive. While you may not feel it at the time, slowly but surely, frustration will sneak up on you. You’ll become less patient and less attentive.

Over time, you’ll burn out more quickly and your creativity and insights will slowly fade away. Breaks don’t have to be disruptive or last very long. Usually all we need is a few minutes every hour or so to clear our heads, stretch our arms -- and get some air.

It’s like pressing the reset button and providing ourselves with a fresh start

Last week I had a really hard time at work. First, I hadn't taken my medication which helps me stay balanced for two days. And it was always the same excuse, "I forget to take them". Secondly, I got a lot of stress that day.

Lemme elaborate...this is a brand new job I've been for about a week in total. I have the previous employee training me that is "retiring" and this day for the second time she tells me things that just make me breakdown.

She was telling me that my other co-workers feel that I care more about the graphic design part of my job and not so much the adminstration job. See we have two other graphic designers, and both of them said they as graphic designers would NOT like to have the adminstrative duties.

See, that's where I'm different. In any job that I do, I try to take out the creativity from wherever it is, so I enjoy my job. It hurt that they would assume this of me.

Before she discussed this with me, I got into a little arguement with one of the graphic designers. We didn't agree on something, and in order for her to prove she knew more she slapped me with "I had a BA degree" blah blah. She was trying to tell me that she had more field experience than me, and all i had was " 'perfect world' school experience". That really pissed me off because I'm thinking and told her, that everything I know is from the field, and that I haven;t even TAKEN my graphic design courses.

The root of my problem that week was that I hadn't taken my medication. This made everything ten times worse...and harder for me to deal with problems. On top of this, I get more stress from my dad because he thinks my husband and I spend too much money on other things and can't afford to pay him back. I try to talk to my mom but all I hear is the negative..and I hang up on her on my husband, while driving home.

Crying like crazy, swurving in traffic, in the rain. When I get home, I want to kill myself. I was sooo close to od'ing on my meds because I had had ENOUGH with life.

When I'm in these state of minds...there is a constant battle going on in my head of positive rational thoughts and negative irrational thoughts.

Part of me is telling me "just kill yourself, no one cares about you, everyone hates you" and the other is telling me "that's not true, dunt do that, everyone loves you, they understand"...so I call my husband. And I talk to him..he calms me down by helping me rationalize..and I calm down and take my med.

That day was horrible, and I promissed myself I would never do that again. So now every morning I take my med. to keep me balanced...no matter how drowsy it makes me.

Along with the things I read in the book, I also make sure to always do what I want to do. Such as play video games ;)

Well I hope you enjoyed reading..and if this helps anyone in anyway, im glad :)

Got Mine...Got Yours?

2007-03-29T01:09:02Z

Yay! I was so freaked out cuz I wasn't sure if they were gonna come down here...and THEY ARE! YAY!

Drawing II - Charcoal Series

2007-03-28T04:55:50Z

These are a series of pastel and charcoal drawings. Enjoy!

Sigh Life

2007-03-28T00:36:32Z

Life has some unusual twists and turns. I know I've talked about this before but man friendship is such a wierd thing.

I absolutely HATE chasing people. If this isn't obvious what I means..I mean having to call ur friends more than 90% of the time to hang out. This happens a lot with me. I dunt want to be a pain in the ass but I also dunt want to be the lil doggy following his owner and begging. Come on!

I'd like a 50-50 relationship. Give and Take both ways. You call me I call you. If u dunt want to hang out with me dunt call. But call me if I ask you to call me to hang out. Sometimes people forget which I've done myself. But it hurts when ur the person on the other side. It's fine if it happens you apologize but when its ever so much...it starts getting excessive.

I keep having wierd dreams. In my mind things aren;t resolved. I feel lied to. And unfinished with my side of the story so to speak. I talked to my mom over it and it' a lil easier to get over now. This is one of the reason's I took off Jessica from my friends list. It's nothing against her per sae, but more because the content she may write about might contain things I'd rather not read/know about simply because it will hurt my feelings.

Weeks ago things have turned and spun in ways I never wanted or expected. My world and words were manipulated and it's stupid and ridiculous how typed up I am in the middle of this.

It amazes me the things people say when they are absolutely envious and intimated by you. Nasty things to hurt your feelings. Which of course they do at first...but than you think, lol...so n so said this cuz they are intimidated by me.

Also, I never understood why when people talk shit about each other behind the other's back usual one of them has this urge to have to "set the other person straight". My idea is, what I think today is my opinion and may be just that day...maybe two days later I'll feel the complete opposite.

This happened me earlier this year. I got into a HUGE fights with two of my best friends. And after cursing (literally), telling them off, and they to me..and the tears we realized how stupid it was and finally became friends again. I think the three of us understand what the other does that makes us tick..and how to deal with it. Some people stress very easily which is completely understandable and get caught up with it. At this time you should leave them alone...because they may be snappy towards you but it's nothing to be taken personal.

Usual when I'm stressed out I try to make it seem like its not that big of a deal..but even doing that can anger someone else because they dunt understand why you're acting this way. Once you guys (if you really care) settle these things..you'll know what to expect and ignore it much easier without getting your heart broken.

I'm also honestly a little disappointed in Jessica. I feel like a lost a potentially great friend..and a great relationship. But, I realize that she has a lot going on in her life and when she realizes it maybe than we will be friends. I want her to be strong and stand up for herself. She wants to be..but she cowers. I hate seeing other people forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do.

I know she's not the social type...so I asked her to call me or e-mail me when she does want to. But it seldom happens. Like .1% lol And so I try to get in contact with her but I dunt want to be overbearing in any way. But other people in her life, it seems to me are the complete opposite and force themselves on to her so she feels guilty into going. I want her to stand up for herself and say "No, I don't want to go out"...but she lets others feelings get in the way of hers.

This is why I stopped reading her journal. The dais I'd want to hang out with her but he had declined, and than I found out (from her journal) that she had done something else. It hurts me. I feel rejected and manipulated. I have completely shut her out my life simply because I'm tired of getting hurt..and dragged along the floor because she doesn't know how to express herself. I miss her, but how things are now I can't really do anything. I've released her and she needs to fly on her own and find her own way. I've done all that I can.

I was hurt for a while, being with someone for so long and than finding out something you never knew. I cried. But than I realized it was all a form of manipulation. I'd go into more detail but I'm sure for those reading this. Manipulation jealousy causes..but it's all a lie. And he believes the lie. That's the sad thing. But this is what he wants. So bet it. I rest.

Anyway...onto fotos. Today! I took wonderful fotos of myself posing (facially) for my bootyful camera.

Will add More later

Stats

2007-03-25T16:42:05Z

Weight: 165lbs
Height: 5'6"
Fat%: 36%

Goal: Go Down to 21-32% body fat to be healthy...athletic is really low 10-20%..but we'll see. Baby steps!

Before I would go up and down 32-37% body fat...and I was told it's cuz I eat desert!

Blah I gotta change my whole diet thing around. I also learned that you have to eat a lot of those fucking protein bars man..holy shit! Protein & carbs that's basically the BIG things you need to focus on thing. And that's coo with me cuz I love my protein and carbs.

Me n Eddy did the treadmill yesterday for 10 mins. My heart is healthy and I'm fit Eddy's lagging behind cuz he's out of shape. But that will change. I think that I could say we're both excited to get in shape and feel good about ourselves. I think I can stick to those frozen healthy food things. The only thing I have to change is the snacks and the drinks. I need to do a LOT of research! Or talking to people...

So I think we're both gonna do the lower body cardio-fat burning stuff this week! I'm excited..it's been like 2 weeks so I seriously worked out and I missed it.

I dunt care how much I weight cuz muscle weighs more than fat and I'm packing sum and it throws off that stupid "BMI" shit. So I am focused only on fat percentage and than after i get where I'm supposed to be I'll look in the mirror and see if I'm happy.

If any of you people see me getting anorexic or crazy SMACK ME!

Besides that..projects I have to do:
Self-Portraits:
Based on a Foto: 90% Done
Looking in a mirror: 0%
Distorted surface (Elipitcal think Escher): 0%
Distorted Surface (Think crazy circus mirror): 0%
Your Choice: 0%

All Due April 10th

Color & Composition
Project: 0% Done

No clue when due!

Im off to a great start!
I'll post the pictures once I finish...wish me fucking luck!

oops

2007-03-24T04:14:16Z

So..we didn't go yesterday to the gym just cuz we were both exhausted from work. BUT! Def. today Sat @ 4pm we're going. I an dying to work out! >.<

I wanna know exactly how much of this fucking fat I need to lose and get it OFF! And my husband wants to get some muscle on him so he can kick ass! hahahahah

Let's see...what else

I'm still sick of school..and I haven't really done my assignments >.< ugh! I have to paint a scene that is NOT american...and do it all like cell shaded with acrylics I'm ecstatic...

And..I still have to do my 5 self portraits...shoot me now!

I did one of this picture:

It came out cool...of course it looks modified duh! Artistic expression I think I'm gonna paint it all cell shaded multi colored maddness. I'll post it here!

I drew it in...15-30 mins..and my friend Jos was like damn girl ur done already. I'm fast...period. I always finish everything fast, is that a crime? My art prof sais I'm clearly a "graphic designer" lol..which means in out in out in out ideas.

Like I dunt like to take a lot of time on projects which is kinda true. I like to finish everything that one day. This whole thing of working on things for days is stressful!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still training at Equilibrix with Tamara which is still fun :) So far I've had a 9-2 day I'm not sure how if I'm getting paid a whole day but I dunno whatever.

I can't wait to get my paycheck. SHOPPING! no...I have to hold myself back. Plus if I do lose all this excess weight..all my current clothes are not gonna fit hahahah. They dunt fit well now..they sag and make me look like I have no ass. Bagh!

This morning at 9am I'm gonna go clean the streets with mah omegaphiers..I wanna go to Ultra but poo theres always next year. We might go to Diceys or sumthin or ultra after party whateva. And than next morning @ 6am same idea. Walk 5k for Kid's in Distress aren't I awesome?

Fashion shoot sum dai soon I hope we're all so fucking busy! I think it will be easier this summer...we'll see

Oh well love ya's,
Jelly

FUCK YEAH

2007-03-22T03:28:02Z

I start working my ass of tommorow at 8pm I'm fucking excited as hell. I love working out but I need to change up my routine and be around people...That whole extrovert thing of mine.

I'm sooo excited! I can lose all this excess mass by this summer! YES! Me in a bikini and struting my stuff on the dance flo'! I'm so excited now I can REALLY be a fucking hoochie!

Anyway...so that J-Lo body of mine? Here i come!

Secondly...I gotta draw a self portrait of myself...by 2morrow haha and I haven;t started I'll post it here once I'm done..if I'm not too lazy!

I'll post myself once I think I look hot bitches

LOVE YOU
Jelly

AND...i had my first day at the job today. It was fucking awesome! :) I went to work at my boss' house and shes awesome! She bought us food at Waffle House and me n heather (the girl thats training me) talked a lot and i got trained and had loads of fun.

She's like my twin. But a year older...

Anyway, we started talking about gyms..and today I was like I should go sign up. After me n eddy went to Sam Ash to buy his mixing equip for his geetar and and mic for my bootiful singing HAHAHAH..right!

We went by the gym and both of us signed up. So..now, we'll both me ultra uber awesome sexy bodies...hahahah

And...what else? mmm..I'm gonna get commision if I do something...its a secret.

I think that's it!

my poop smells like fart

2007-03-19T00:37:22Z

So....today was fun! Me n Eddy went out and played with my nu camera! Me, Eddy and Dri are gonna do a hi-fashion photo shoot next weekend....unless I get a ticket and go to Ultra instead! Saturday peeps!

Anyway here's sum pix we took and my new user picture

This weekend thus far

2007-03-18T17:50:53Z

Friday
We had an induction ceremony for all the new inductees into Omega Phi. It was masquerade mardi gras themed which was pretty cool. I designed the invitations which was a lot of fun and the awards.

I got my camera...really good one...and I was like 0.0 with the quality of the pictures...serious UPGRADE. It looks like a paparazzi camera lol

I got a new job which pays REALLY good...so now I can help pay off the debt we had and move on.

I want a 3 bedroom...I need a studio..desperately. My studio can be messy...but now my studio is my room..so it's kinda...mmm...messy?

I got 3 pairs of heels
1 dressy type..
1 playboy bunny hahaha...they are clogs with heels
black with cork bottom...latina hooker style hahahah
and a cool shirt with a bear on it it's from that Jim somthing dude...he kinda does the whole Happy Bunny style but a spin off. I want to say Jim Benton?

Im going to start working fulltime...I need a break from school. No school this summer! Thank god...I need a FUCKING break!

I want to get a hybrid Prius those cars are sexy and good for the environment.

I'm going to cancun for a week VERY soon...and my family from the netherlands are coming down this summer (it looks like)

YES! I LOVE Gerda, my mum in law...she's sooo fucking awesome! And my brothers-in-law and of course John. John is the man! :)

I think thats everything...for now. :)

Amatuer Photography Day

2007-03-12T15:49:33Z

My Spring Break went by so fast I feel like I didn't do anything. I got to hang out with Kara finally on Sunday and we talked and worked out our kinks. I won't say more.

So she was in the middle of a photo shoot...and I really wanted to try but this camera was soo freaking different. It took me awhile to adjust. I have sum books at home and Eddy, my husband, wants me to buy one at Ritz and practice since he has a tripod.

My only issue is that I wanted to be skinnier similar to Kara for my photo shoots, just personally, I like the shapes the body makes when you have muscles and less fat and more definition in your body. It creates these beautiful effects...but I don't feel like I'm there. I still have this shitty belly fat that's driving me up the wall.

So...Eddy and I are both going to go on strict diets and exercises. I found sum interesting things out yesterday.

For one I am a the first picture an Endomorph which means I have:
soft body
underdeveloped muscles
round shaped
over-developed digestive system
aka body does not want to let fat go

love of food
tolerant
evenness of emotions
love of comfort
sociable
good humored
relaxed
need for affection
extrovert <--VERY TRUE

Eddy is the Third Picture an Ectomorph

WTF?!

"Endomorphs are generally big boned and have broad shoulders as well as a broad back, so if they put their minds to it and stick with a good workout regime and dietary plan, they can be some nasty lookin, ripped up motherf*’ers"

New n Old

2007-03-07T05:37:11Z

Tomorrow get High Lights (Blonde and Copper)

FINALLY

2007-03-05T05:17:28Z

I have fauxhawk!! :)

and it rawks

i mastered makeup and hair and now im moving on up to my fashion dreams this spring back (next week)

my house is in tip top shape and im gonna make sum awesome decorations for it

i love my new cat ramses he's sooo sweet...tho he always wants to run away...he used to be an outdoor cat

maybe ill post pix of my hair and make up...we'll see

i also have normal nails now...i like them cuz it makes me look more "pretty" but they are fucking annoying thats why i always bite them off...but alas...must let them grow :(

po'd and sad

2007-03-03T03:37:56Z

so many fucked up things have happened recently..and to top it off i cut my hair again for the 4th time...i think im going to end being bald at the rate im going, but it looks like this now it needs to grow out a bit.

i wanted to do this (second picture)

but my hairs wavy and thick so it just looks like the first image...im trying REALLY hard to spike it up..my hair stylists Miriam thinned out my hair so it could lose its weight..guess i just gotta be patient.

But you know...the great part is people telling you they don't like it. It's like...if you dunt like it stfu...even tho its like "im being honest...dunt get mad", it still hurts!

FUCK!

in other news..im getting better and better with makeup..now that I got myself a "kit" with all sorts of brushes and sponges etc.

Now i just gotta get my hair in order. And I'm gonna start putting sum of my old clothes together and making it look uber cool. I'm going for an emo-punk rawk look...with a jelly twist.

and on a last note, i feel fucked over and theres no going back

I think my FUCKING hair rawks! I just gotta learn how to style it...but I wunt be going back to long hair ever again!

Life is Good

2007-03-02T12:57:09Z

So yesterday, Eileen almost fainted in class so i volunteered to take her home..and when i dropped her off at her house guess who pops out of nowhere. This beautiful egyptian looking black and white cat. For a second, I thought it was cloudy...but that was impossible. I was in Davie...cloudys in n. lauderdale.

So, I picked him up and petted him and finalyl decided "i want you" and put him in my car. He jumped out twice and when I was gonna give up, the door was still open and he hopped in! lol So I drove back to class asked my teacher if I could be excused and leave and she was all cool with it and even went and said hello.

My mom and I bathed him and found he had a Humane Society tatoo on his belly which is a good thing (means he got his shots and his neutered!) I called him but the cat wasnt reported as "lost" or "stolen"..so we're supposed to take him there today and drop him off and if the owner doesnt come by we can keep him.

Eddy loves him! We're calling him Ramses, or Ramsey because he looks so royal and elegant like those egyptain cat statues. My other two cats are still adjusting, Stinky's a bit easier with it cept when Ramses plays with him and he chases/jumps on him, and Stinky freaks out! Cloudy absolutely hates him but she likes that when anything is changed, i.e. taking her to someone else' house, she hisses spats and just is overall p.o'd. But she'll get over it.

I give it a week, thats how long it took her to get used to Stinky.

Anyway, I really love Ramses i dunt wanna give him up, but now we officially have 3 cats and I love it! 2 boys and a girl :)

This cat is like a "blessing"...guess good things do happen to good people.

I got that high paying freelance job and now Im going for another graphic design job that pays good too. Medical vacation, the whole lot. Hopefully I'll get it, I want money lol to pay off lil debt we have before it becomes A LOT...and to enjoy life a bit.

I really want to get a professional camera (digital) and take sum classes at BCC...im slowing down with classes...so I dunt have another panic attack.

I'm a lil unsure tho what to do...no go during the summer and take a break...or not go at all and just graduate in Dec

I only need to finish atro lab really to graduate with my a.a. but I wanted to take astronomy over since I did so horrible (i was tired) that way my gpa can go back up to 4.0..scholarships people!

Our induction ceremony is coming up soon! Its going to be a masquerade/mardi gras ball theme. I'm sooo excited to decorate and have loads of fun!!!!

well...yeah the reason im awake so early..is guess -_-

RAMSES!

luukkieangvil @ 2007-02-24T03:35:00

2007-02-24T08:40:19Z

i saw this picture of this girl..

and i thought OMG she's sooo cute! i wonder if i look cute like that, too? and it also reminded me of dri and her silly expressions lol...and than that led to my weight.

blah..i stopped working out hardcore like i used to..which has left me at a plateua..im not losing nor gaining..but hey doesn't mean i can't start it up again!

so i'm going back to eating all the essentials, all the food groups, vitamins...and working out for an hour a day cardio-weights, cardio-abs for five days alternating. its the only way i will be able to be healthy, strong and slim. blah, it gets to me when it takes soo long to see results. i took pictures from the beginning and man i lost A LOT! i would post them but im in underwear...and...um yeah...once i can wear a bikini and i'm like fuck yeah im toned and in shape...than i will post the fatty pic hahaah...but not now.

anyway..after going to my thoughts about working out it led me to wanting to continue my "fantasy" of designing clothes for mahself, photography, etc. im going to copy sum of the ones she made and make them for myself and play off sum other ideas that come to my mind..she has sum wicked style.

blah...i wish i had munny that wai i can keep going

Promise to Self
Laziness out the door
will deplete all creative resources from mind
never give up
clean my house and design the hell outah it
stop being so predictable
work OUT again god dammit, i love it too
fuck around with makeup
fuck around with my hair...get it to do stuff
lose (if possible) all excess weight by the end of this year...or my b-day *prays*

wants.needs.mores
get a new camera
download more music
cut down on the video games
do more with my talents

im tired of clubbing..the crowdedness...the drunk/high asshole men there
i have club music...i will dance and prance @ home with dri ;P
I LOVE YOU DRI!!!!!!!!! sexy bitch
dont worry i LOVE you too KAR-KAR! (care-care)

u guis r the best

okay off to bed i go

<3

omg drama

2007-02-23T18:36:35Z

Golden Rule
When you post your opinion online where everyone n there mom can read it, your asking for trouble. if you want trouble bring it on...lol reference to the post i made about calorie scare.

When people vent, they want someone to listen not to do anything about it, most of the time. If so, said person should ask for it.

"one thing i do agree with fred durst on is his "she said he said bullshit", that is so true

blah im going to shut up now before i stick my foot further up my ass.

I have to pay 125 dollars now for fuckin invalid trash disposal, frikkin a...once again the man wins

cancelled

2007-02-18T02:41:17Z

Well, the camping trip was canceled because EVERYONE n their mom had events sudddenly come up :(...I went to the park anyway and helped cleanup by pulling out invasive species but I had this killer stomach pain i thought was cuz i was hungry. we went canoeing which was a lot of fun! mat and i kept crashing into sawgrass lol (he can't paddle) lol but we had a lot of fun, ill post the pix n videos up later when i get'm from him.

Afterwards we went to the Galleria mall, man that place has CHANGED so much! i used to go there as a kid and it was much much different...i kinda miss the ol skool style, but eh who cares. i ate sum sbarros thinking i would feel better, but no avail. so i had to go home eat sum yogurt to help my tum tum and went to sleep.

Thats pretty much my dai, i wanted to go to gamestop and eb games to get sum gamecube/xbox games and possibly buy a ps2 (used) since there so cheap nowadays...but i think everythings closed = gay!

<3
jelly

Update: everyone loves my hair but really want to see the mohawk...my hairs full of way too much gel right now...i gotta take a shower so i can do it over and spike it like a mohawk. seriously dude im fukin crazy and my hair proves it.

Dumbass People

2007-02-17T11:18:28Z

Man, I never knew people could be sooo fucking stupid!

This dumbass is eating only 300-500 calories a day...OMG HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE!
It take me half a year to get where I am now..and I've lost a ton of weight. I still have sum fat here and there...but dude whatever. My goal is to be healthy and realistic. I want to be tone and lean and curvy, like J-Lo's body on the right. But I like Keiras on the left too, but realistically i CANNOT look like that w.o looking like a fuckin skeleton.

These people are going to die...I would never want that to happen but when I hear this shit its like, maybe it would be better...less ppl to pollute others minds,

Everyone always wants what they dunt have but you have to learn to GET OVER IT. You will always be YOU learn to love you for you. The only reason models are skinny is because its easier to throw clothes on people that are the same size than sizes ranging all over the board. You ever try to wear ur friends clothes? Or find sumthing in ur size? exactly.

Everyone, even skinny "perfect" people, should work out because its healthy and necessary for us. Just like everyone needs to eat everything from all the food groups. Even vegans have to get protein from pills because without it...muscles can build themselves...hmm what do muscles do again?

More Info

Cross-sectional and prospective surveys have shown that a large percentage of adolescents, particularly females and even those of normal weight, diet at some time. While moderate changes in diet and exercise have been shown to be safe, significant psychologic and physiologic consequences may occur with extreme or unhealthy dieting practices. Moderate dieting has been shown to be associated with negative self-esteem in some adolescents. The very act of starting any diet increases the risk of eating disorders in adolescent girls. Extreme methods of weight loss can have adverse physiologic effects if not closely monitored. Electrolyte disturbances, cardiac dysrhythmias, and even sudden cardiac death can result from unhealthy or extreme dieting practices. Such practices are associated with other problem behavior in adolescents.

Lose weight fast and you will lose muscle
Muscle burns more calories than fat. The more muscle you have the more calories you burn and this applies to when you’re not doing anything strenuous. Losing muscle is therefore not a good idea.

Lose weight fast and you slow your metabolism
When we skip meals or crash diet, our body is programmed to think it's starving and slows down our metabolism to conserve energy.What is conserved is our fat stores; our weight loss comes from water and muscle.

The dangers of crash dieting
Crash dieting refers is a method in which we lose weight simply by restricting the number of calories consumed.
This method of losing weight fast is considered unhealthy, and it is rare that people who do it keep weight off.
They cannot adjust to these new unhealthy eating habits and then put the weight straight back on.

Reasons why losing weight fast is difficult and unhealthy
Our bodies are programmed to help us survive in times of starvation. Our basic body reactions have been set since man first walked the earth and in those days food was not just a phone call, or short walk away. In times gone by, famine was the biggest threat to mans survival and your body is programmed to protect you.

This is why it won't ever lose excessive amounts of fat in a short period of time; your body is programmed to conserve fat. If you drastically reduce your calorie intake, you slow down your metabolism, in order to conserve calories, as we discussed earlier.

This is one reason why we encounter a weight loss quickly is, so difficult as your body actively fights to conserve weight, it’s a survival reflex.

Side Effects of Losing Weight quickly
In addition losing weight quickly has serious side affects that can harm us:

Appearance of Loose Skin
If you shed weight too quickly, your skin does not have time to shrink to your new body dimensions.

The only effective treatment for this is to fix the lose skin with surgery.

Gallstones
Studies have shown that people who lose weight quickly, have a greater risk of developing gallstones.

Lack of energy and illness
Depending on the diet there are a host of other complications including lack of energy and nausea for those who cut out carbs and a general feeling of ill health and lack of energy as you deprive your body of food.

Lose weight slowly
Don’t be taken in by quick fix weight loss, its not possible aim for longer term weight loss.
You will lose weight, keep it off and feel both healthier and happier.

FLAME me if u want...I dont give a rats ass! Just want to give my two cents and sum real information.

Choc Fest Bitches

2007-02-14T06:29:19Z

You know, I used to hate saying bitches and cursing at everyone, but fuck it I LURV IT!!!!!!!!!! Love ya bitches...damn "Ask a Gay Man" dude!...he got me

Neway, 2morrow...well today now is choc fest at bcc
I made the poster...isnt it sexy, you know u want it. *licks*

Hmm...yeah so I gotta go represent OMEGA PHI...wear our fuckin gay ass t-shirt which im supposed to redesign..into sumthin fuckin awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm...what else, camping this weekend fo sho..i got it all twisted last weekend, whups. Gotta do my part for the environment and clean up them invasive plants >.<

Another thing, Global Warming is fo real! People get a hybrid or fuel-efficient car, fuck ur suvs..k </rant>

hmm...what else, i'm going to soooooooooo fuckin prank sumone at the campsite...just gotta think of sumthin ULTRA good...i always start the mischief...thaaaaaaaaaats MEEEE! *points @ self*

I beleive we will have fotoshoot this weekend...I get out at uuh...3 from the camping...we'll be chillin at the beach..so later that day i suppose. Gonna buy a nice digi cam online...when of them pro ones so i can take mad awesome shots...gonna go to the mall first to check the bitch out.

K <3 u bitches,
jelly, it never gets old

CAMPING?!

2007-02-14T00:16:42Z

Omega Phi is goin Campin...hit dat shit up?! Wanna go...?

Weekend

2007-02-13T05:41:14Z

So, this weekend was interesting. I cleaned up Omegaphiers.com and my website has almost all of the posters I've made, tho I still have a lot more shit to put up...... T.T its WAY so much!

I went to VooDoo Friday Nite with Pato n Carrie and it was so MUCH FUN! We saw Jackal n Hyde these breakbeat dj's. They were fucking awesome! I saw them walking around the club in their fetish gear and was like....hmm...alright, whatever...I didnt know they were djs lol, loser. I got to do my stripper dancing on my "pole" which was more like a tree..but still. There was this drunk girl next to me who kept freakin out that we were all going to fall, and at one point she grabbed me to cover her cuz her top fell off and her boobs were seeing the light. Man..I'm glad and I dunt get wasted...I mean damn..tolerance people!

This was Carries first time seeing Live Dj's and she was like o.O it was cute! She just stares like WHOA!..u know like a lil kid seeing sumthin for the first time? She also did that when we were in the house room watching these guys breakdance. That was fucking awesome too. Carries a pro ballroom dancer and man when she dances its so fluid and soft its so much fun watching her! :) Trust me, u could not tell she never danced to this stuff before. She even went into the circle and showed off her mad moves and everyone was like wooooo! your awesome! It was her night!...

And, I was the first to get hit on, which I am very proud of, hahah, this loser came up to me and was all stoned n wasted and dancing in slow motion way OFF, and he's all "hey do you wanna dance"...im like naw thats ok....I'M WITH HIM! *points at Pato* He was a really nice relay Carrie and I did that during the night..cuz man drunk guis hanging all over you is like ew!

Pato's whole mission, like always, was to get girls...I didn't want to hahah I suck, I wanted to DANCE! Carrie helped him out a bit..tho it wasn't his night to say the least.

I think next time I wanna place a bet who gets the most people to come up to them...tho Carrie wouldah won that one! :) I'm kinda at a loss cuz I've got a wedding ring...some guys dunt even notice/care...tho. It's fun rejecting them tho..in a nice non-bitchy way...what am I saying! nevermind -_-

I was supposed to do a photoshoot this weekend but things kind of went wrong. I dunt think Kara understood that I wanted, for the first time, just do a fotoshoot with ourselves, but she wanted to bring a friend, which was cool but not for that day. I never got a chance to talk to her about, but I imagine if she reads this, than mission accomplished. Thats why I didn't bring my own friends, cuz I wanted to have sum handle on the camera and lighting, settings, what have you.

I completely forgot Ren Fest is this year, I bought this cheap costume @ Wal-Mart after halloween (mad discount) and its a juliete costume, I wanted to wear that for Ren-Fest, I wanted to go with Kara but she beat me to it! >.< damn you, I doubt she'd want to go again..so I'm gonna see if any of my fellow omegaphiers wanna go.

This weekend we're going camping, maybe Kara wanna come with, it's gonna be fuckin awesome...I can't wait. I'm sooo sleeping with dri again, we like that! :) I had an interresting conversation with her on the fone the other nite, to explicit for ya'll tho..and she's prolly kill me if I wrote it.

Def not going to Ultra Fest way to fucking expensive..and Kara where's my MONEY biatch!!!!!!!!?

Change of Thought

2007-01-31T21:33:07Z

one last thing, i get the best sense of gratification when i go grocery shopping. i think that is money well spent. :)...i spent 150 bucks on food for two weeks for my husband and i in the collection of FROZEN foods. god i love them...and i love my husband for not giving a rats ass about me not cooking. i can cook, i used to but then...i was like...why? it's cheaper when you don't cook, wierd huh?

anyway,
buy healthy choice, smart ones, and lean cuisine...them bitches work
no longer will i think of what to eat
i will buy these foods and..EAT

another thing...i weight 165 i weight 163.6 or something with 37% fat...now i'm at 33%...im happy..i didnt gain weight in all the time i didn't work out. i love you body!!! i've gained a lotta muscle tho...im like the hulk.

<3 tee hee
jelly

FINALLY!

2007-01-29T20:23:25Z

omg...I finally worked out. God damn...it's been like more than a week...I felt like such a lard ass. Now I feel GOOD...I have energy again. Damn that felt good. If anyone reading this wants a really fun workout to do that actually works and is fun try Turbo Jam. I've been working out almost 6 months now and I've lost a lot of weight...I can't say how much cuz I don't know lol. The scale says I weight the same...but I've gained muscle...I actually have a fuckin bicep for the first time in my life!! :) It rox! I can kick ass now!

I just did...20 mins cardio...and 40mins weight training...my biceps are kinda shaking when i do shit...cuz i waited so fuckin long because I was lazy...so I pay for it now. I don't how long its going to take until I have a flat stomach and I'm happy wearing a bikini but I'm getting there. Atleast now I can wear tight clothes and I don't have this potbelly sticking out. Fuck! I keep getting sweat in my eyes...that's not nice..it burns!

Anyway, I quit my painting class because the fucking teacher is an asshole. Sadly I have him also for Color & Composition so I still have to put up with his dumbass insults. He's always cracking on people like "the paint is horrible" and if you're like me and say..yeah well its expensive..he'll say "well, doesnt ur husband have a job?" i mena wtfh! He even asked if I was happily married....um, hello?! If I wasn't would I be married? Fuckin dickhead. And he's know for sleepin with his students and flirting ew. This isn't some young ass dude...he's fuckin 90 or something...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!

Anyway...I have to make this stupid fuckin gradiant scale bullshit thats 40 steps in acrylic by mixing in a small dab of a complementary color... -_-

Sounds easy...but um no. Especially when he's on top of you like...NO BRUSH STROKES (the streak marks), PERFECT COLOR, MAKE IT THICK!...I mean fuckin hell..he wants us to be robots or something.

I completely forgot this weekend my chapter, Omega Phi, is goin camping Friday night and than were cleaning a park in the morning. Hmm...it's interesting when we go out of town because we always fuck around in the hotels..like the ice/water/alcohol fight we had the last time hahahah! Of course I'm the one that starts this shit because I'm "insane"...or so they think/say. Maybe...I could do something while everyones sleeping like collapse their tent lol...nah that wouldnt be funny. I'm gonna see if Kara wants to go..tho..I don't think she wants to clean a park for 4 hours...It's volunteer hours!...and....You get to save/help the environment!

What else....we're going to Nashville in April for Internationals..which will be fucking awesome...why? Because mutherfuckin Al Gore is gonna be there...now thats kick ass! I told everyone to buy some underwear and bras so after we show off our signs saying "WE LOVE YOU AL!" we could throw the undies lol...it'd be funny. But I think we'd get shot at...or go to jail. And since we are the club that is infamous for being crazy and clubbin phreaks...of course we're gonna be like yo, Al come club with us..hahahah

Ok..I'm kidding people...for some odd reason people think I'm serious when I say this shit. Ah well...

I'm going to Cancun with my hubby and rents in the end of April to beggining of May...thats gonna be fuckin awesome. Hopefully I would have lost more weight so I can wear a bikini hahaha. Luckily we wont get shot there...last year I wanted to go to Colombia with Eddy and my folks...but I was scared he and I would get shot cuz we look white...so I was hesistant but in the end schedules wouldn't permit..so it didn't matter.

I'm gonna hit all them Mayan ruins..and tap some scuba diving...actually no, I'm terrified of sharks...and I saw Open Water a few dais ago....mm....NO!

Even fish scare me...and dolfins...THEY HAVE DORSAL FINS TOO!

Uh..I can't think of anything else to write about....KARA WHERE ARE YOU!? I need my neko :( *whimpers*..OH! Hitting the club this weekend fo sho...I need to FUCKIN DANCE! (flashes to Dane Cook "I just...I just...I need to DANCE!"...So fuckin true

Love
Jelly

Write 2morrow...i talk to much