| Good Bye LJ Hello Facebook |
[April 19, 2007 11:47am] |
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Sawry u guis I'm going to stop posting here..and post journals on my facebook...see you there
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| Nashville TN Here I come! |
[April 10, 2007 10:37pm] |
I finally did the photo shoot last weekend! Yay! We;re doing more in Nashyville! I;m sooo stoked.
Check it out!
Omega Phi ownz!
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| Letting Go |
[April 03, 2007 11:58am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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 I've been reading this really great book, "The BIG BOOK of SMALL STUFF". It's really helping me not take life so seriously and it's like a therapy for me. Since I am prone to be depressed and get super anxious about rediculous things, because of my bipolar disorder...even tho the medicine's help a great deal, I still sometimes get these stupid thoughts in my head.
This guy pretty much says that our own thoughts are our worse enemy. For example, the stupid deadlines we make for ourselves. I know that I have the tendency to go crazy if I dunt get things done in one day, like cleaning my house. Than I get pissed...and have to find a blame for it. Which usually is my husband, poor thing.
These are two problems thata shouldn't happen. First the deadlines...you made them..you are putting pressure on urself. Is the world going to end if your house takes more than one day to clean?
The second problem, blaming others. I do this, everyone does it. It's easier to blame someone else than to actually sit there and analyze why something happened and just deal with the face that maybe you fucked up..and not someone else.
I recommend everyone read this book because it's not only for people with chemical imbalances like me, it's for everyone. Because we ALL go through these things in life, for what?
Last week I had a really hard time at work. First, I hadn't taken my medication which helps me stay balanced for two days. And it was always the same excuse, "I forget to take them". Secondly, I got a lot of stress that day.
Lemme elaborate...this is a brand new job I've been for about a week in total. I have the previous employee training me that is "retiring" and this day for the second time she tells me things that just make me breakdown.
She was telling me that my other co-workers feel that I care more about the graphic design part of my job and not so much the adminstration job. See we have two other graphic designers, and both of them said they as graphic designers would NOT like to have the adminstrative duties.
See, that's where I'm different. In any job that I do, I try to take out the creativity from wherever it is, so I enjoy my job. It hurt that they would assume this of me.
Before she discussed this with me, I got into a little arguement with one of the graphic designers. We didn't agree on something, and in order for her to prove she knew more she slapped me with "I had a BA degree" blah blah. She was trying to tell me that she had more field experience than me, and all i had was " 'perfect world' school experience". That really pissed me off because I'm thinking and told her, that everything I know is from the field, and that I haven;t even TAKEN my graphic design courses.
The root of my problem that week was that I hadn't taken my medication. This made everything ten times worse...and harder for me to deal with problems. On top of this, I get more stress from my dad because he thinks my husband and I spend too much money on other things and can't afford to pay him back. I try to talk to my mom but all I hear is the negative..and I hang up on her on my husband, while driving home.
Crying like crazy, swurving in traffic, in the rain. When I get home, I want to kill myself. I was sooo close to od'ing on my meds because I had had ENOUGH with life.
When I'm in these state of minds...there is a constant battle going on in my head of positive rational thoughts and negative irrational thoughts.
Part of me is telling me "just kill yourself, no one cares about you, everyone hates you" and the other is telling me "that's not true, dunt do that, everyone loves you, they understand"...so I call my husband. And I talk to him..he calms me down by helping me rationalize..and I calm down and take my med.
That day was horrible, and I promissed myself I would never do that again. So now every morning I take my med. to keep me balanced...no matter how drowsy it makes me.
Along with the things I read in the book, I also make sure to always do what I want to do. Such as play video games ;)
Well I hope you enjoyed reading..and if this helps anyone in anyway, im glad :)
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| Got Mine...Got Yours? |
[March 28, 2007 9:04pm] |
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mood |
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 yayayayayay |
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Yay! I was so freaked out cuz I wasn't sure if they were gonna come down here...and THEY ARE! YAY!
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| *Sigh* Life |
[March 27, 2007 8:01pm] |
Life has some unusual twists and turns. I know I've talked about this before but man friendship is such a wierd thing.
I absolutely HATE chasing people. If this isn't obvious what I means..I mean having to call ur friends more than 90% of the time to hang out. This happens a lot with me. I dunt want to be a pain in the ass but I also dunt want to be the lil doggy following his owner and begging. Come on!
( More )
I keep having wierd dreams. In my mind things aren;t resolved. I feel lied to. And unfinished with my side of the story so to speak. I talked to my mom over it and it' a lil easier to get over now. This is one of the reason's I took off Jessica from my friends list. It's nothing against her per sae, but more because the content she may write about might contain things I'd rather not read/know about simply because it will hurt my feelings.
( More )
Also, I never understood why when people talk shit about each other behind the other's back usual one of them has this urge to have to "set the other person straight". My idea is, what I think today is my opinion and may be just that day...maybe two days later I'll feel the complete opposite.
( More )
I'm also honestly a little disappointed in Jessica. I feel like a lost a potentially great friend..and a great relationship. But, I realize that she has a lot going on in her life and when she realizes it maybe than we will be friends. I want her to be strong and stand up for herself. She wants to be..but she cowers. I hate seeing other people forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do.
( More )
I was hurt for a while, being with someone for so long and than finding out something you never knew. I cried. But than I realized it was all a form of manipulation. I'd go into more detail but I'm sure for those reading this. Manipulation jealousy causes..but it's all a lie. And he believes the lie. That's the sad thing. But this is what he wants. So bet it. I rest.
Anyway...onto fotos. Today! I took wonderful fotos of myself posing (facially) for my bootyful camera.
( Here they are ppl! )
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| FUCK YEAH |
[March 21, 2007 10:54pm] |
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mood |
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 YES! |
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music |
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Chemical Brothers - Setting Sun |
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I start working my ass of tommorow at 8pm I'm fucking excited as hell. I love working out but I need to change up my routine and be around people...That whole extrovert thing of mine.
I'm sooo excited! I can lose all this excess mass by this summer! YES! Me in a bikini and struting my stuff on the dance flo'! I'm so excited now I can REALLY be a fucking hoochie!
Anyway...so that J-Lo body of mine? Here i come!
Secondly...I gotta draw a self portrait of myself...by 2morrow haha and I haven;t started I'll post it here once I'm done..if I'm not too lazy!
I'll post myself once I think I look hot bitches
LOVE YOU
Jelly
AND...i had my first day at the job today. It was fucking awesome! :) I went to work at my boss' house and shes awesome! She bought us food at Waffle House and me n heather (the girl thats training me) talked a lot and i got trained and had loads of fun.
She's like my twin. But a year older...
Anyway, we started talking about gyms..and today I was like I should go sign up. After me n eddy went to Sam Ash to buy his mixing equip for his geetar and and mic for my bootiful singing HAHAHAH..right!
We went by the gym and both of us signed up. So..now, we'll both me ultra uber awesome sexy bodies...hahahah
And...what else? mmm..I'm gonna get commision if I do something...its a secret.
I think that's it!
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| my poop smells like fart |
[March 18, 2007 7:54pm] |
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mood |
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yay! |
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music |
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Eddy playing the geetar |
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So....today was fun! Me n Eddy went out and played with my nu camera! Me, Eddy and Dri are gonna do a hi-fashion photo shoot next weekend....unless I get a ticket and go to Ultra instead! Saturday peeps!
Anyway here's sum pix we took and my new user picture
( Be surprised )
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| This weekend thus far |
[March 18, 2007 1:31pm] |
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mood |
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 ? |
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Friday
We had an induction ceremony for all the new inductees into Omega Phi. It was masquerade mardi gras themed which was pretty cool. I designed the invitations which was a lot of fun and the awards.
I got my camera...really good one...and I was like 0.0 with the quality of the pictures...serious UPGRADE. It looks like a paparazzi camera lol
I got a new job which pays REALLY good...so now I can help pay off the debt we had and move on.
I want a 3 bedroom...I need a studio..desperately. My studio can be messy...but now my studio is my room..so it's kinda...mmm...messy?
I got 3 pairs of heels
1 dressy type..
1 playboy bunny hahaha...they are clogs with heels
black with cork bottom...latina hooker style hahahah
and a cool shirt with a bear on it it's from that Jim somthing dude...he kinda does the whole Happy Bunny style but a spin off. I want to say Jim Benton?
Im going to start working fulltime...I need a break from school. No school this summer! Thank god...I need a FUCKING break!
I want to get a hybrid Prius those cars are sexy and good for the environment.
I'm going to cancun for a week VERY soon...and my family from the netherlands are coming down this summer (it looks like)
YES! I LOVE Gerda, my mum in law...she's sooo fucking awesome! And my brothers-in-law and of course John. John is the man! :)
I think thats everything...for now. :)
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| Amatuer Photography Day |
[March 12, 2007 11:32am] |
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mood |
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 yep |
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Nirvana - On a Plain |
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My Spring Break went by so fast I feel like I didn't do anything. I got to hang out with Kara finally on Sunday and we talked and worked out our kinks. I won't say more.
So she was in the middle of a photo shoot...and I really wanted to try but this camera was soo freaking different. It took me awhile to adjust. I have sum books at home and Eddy, my husband, wants me to buy one at Ritz and practice since he has a tripod.
My only issue is that I wanted to be skinnier similar to Kara for my photo shoots, just personally, I like the shapes the body makes when you have muscles and less fat and more definition in your body. It creates these beautiful effects...but I don't feel like I'm there. I still have this shitty belly fat that's driving me up the wall.
 So...Eddy and I are both going to go on strict diets and exercises. I found sum interesting things out yesterday.
For one I am a the first picture an Endomorph which means I have:
soft body
underdeveloped muscles
round shaped
over-developed digestive system
aka body does not want to let fat go
( This I just thought was interesting and very true! my associated personality traits )
Eddy is the Third Picture an Ectomorph
( Here are his characteristics )
The funny thing..thats actually good is we both need to eat the same. We need to eat a lot of carbs and meat...and im like YES! Because I luvs me my carbs and MEAT. So..we're going to start buying food again, real food, and cooking our steaks and chicken again like we did months ago. No more frozen food for us...just cuz I think it helped...but theres certain stuff we have to focus on. Oh and as for excercise we both need cardio and strength training.
I also LOVE this quote, "Endomorphs are generally big boned and have broad shoulders as well as a broad back, so if they put their minds to it and stick with a good workout regime and dietary plan, they can be some nasty lookin, ripped up motherf*’ers"
Okay Thirdly, the photo shoot. Eddy and I took two pictures we liked. He had an issue with the setup and said it was very cluttered..I didn't think of that when I was there but than looking at the pictures I saw he had a point. So we did some Photoshop magick to emphasize more parts.
( Foto )
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| FINALLY |
[March 05, 2007 12:13am] |
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mood |
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 hmph |
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I have fauxhawk!! :)
and it rawks
i mastered makeup and hair and now im moving on up to my fashion dreams this spring back (next week)
my house is in tip top shape and im gonna make sum awesome decorations for it
i love my new cat ramses he's sooo sweet...tho he always wants to run away...he used to be an outdoor cat
maybe ill post pix of my hair and make up...we'll see
i also have normal nails now...i like them cuz it makes me look more "pretty" but they are fucking annoying thats why i always bite them off...but alas...must let them grow :(
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| Life is Good |
[March 02, 2007 7:45am] |
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 YAY! |
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Dido - Mary's in India |
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So yesterday, Eileen almost fainted in class so i volunteered to take her home..and when i dropped her off at her house guess who pops out of nowhere. This beautiful egyptian looking black and white cat. For a second, I thought it was cloudy...but that was impossible. I was in Davie...cloudys in n. lauderdale.
So, I picked him up and petted him and finalyl decided "i want you" and put him in my car. He jumped out twice and when I was gonna give up, the door was still open and he hopped in! lol So I drove back to class asked my teacher if I could be excused and leave and she was all cool with it and even went and said hello.
My mom and I bathed him and found he had a Humane Society tatoo on his belly which is a good thing (means he got his shots and his neutered!) I called him but the cat wasnt reported as "lost" or "stolen"..so we're supposed to take him there today and drop him off and if the owner doesnt come by we can keep him.
Eddy loves him! We're calling him Ramses, or Ramsey because he looks so royal and elegant like those egyptain cat statues. My other two cats are still adjusting, Stinky's a bit easier with it cept when Ramses plays with him and he chases/jumps on him, and Stinky freaks out! Cloudy absolutely hates him but she likes that when anything is changed, i.e. taking her to someone else' house, she hisses spats and just is overall p.o'd. But she'll get over it.
I give it a week, thats how long it took her to get used to Stinky.
Anyway, I really love Ramses i dunt wanna give him up, but now we officially have 3 cats and I love it! 2 boys and a girl :)
This cat is like a "blessing"...guess good things do happen to good people.
I got that high paying freelance job and now Im going for another graphic design job that pays good too. Medical vacation, the whole lot. Hopefully I'll get it, I want money lol to pay off lil debt we have before it becomes A LOT...and to enjoy life a bit.
I really want to get a professional camera (digital) and take sum classes at BCC...im slowing down with classes...so I dunt have another panic attack.
I'm a lil unsure tho what to do...no go during the summer and take a break...or not go at all and just graduate in Dec
I only need to finish atro lab really to graduate with my a.a. but I wanted to take astronomy over since I did so horrible (i was tired) that way my gpa can go back up to 4.0..scholarships people!
Our induction ceremony is coming up soon! Its going to be a masquerade/mardi gras ball theme. I'm sooo excited to decorate and have loads of fun!!!!
well...yeah the reason im awake so early..is guess -_-
RAMSES!
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[February 24, 2007 3:35am] |
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mongered |
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pron |
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i saw this picture of this girl..
and i thought OMG she's sooo cute! i wonder if i look cute like that, too? and it also reminded me of dri and her silly expressions lol...and than that led to my weight.
blah..i stopped working out hardcore like i used to..which has left me at a plateua..im not losing nor gaining..but hey doesn't mean i can't start it up again!
so i'm going back to eating all the essentials, all the food groups, vitamins...and working out for an hour a day cardio-weights, cardio-abs for five days alternating. its the only way i will be able to be healthy, strong and slim. blah, it gets to me when it takes soo long to see results. i took pictures from the beginning and man i lost A LOT! i would post them but im in underwear...and...um yeah...once i can wear a bikini and i'm like fuck yeah im toned and in shape...than i will post the fatty pic hahaah...but not now.
anyway..after going to my thoughts about working out it led me to wanting to continue my "fantasy" of designing clothes for mahself, photography, etc. im going to copy sum of the ones she made and make them for myself and play off sum other ideas that come to my mind..she has sum wicked style.
blah...i wish i had munny that wai i can keep going
Promise to Self
Laziness out the door
will deplete all creative resources from mind
never give up
clean my house and design the hell outah it
stop being so predictable
work OUT again god dammit, i love it too
fuck around with makeup
fuck around with my hair...get it to do stuff
lose (if possible) all excess weight by the end of this year...or my b-day *prays*
wants.needs.mores
get a new camera
download more music
cut down on the video games
do more with my talents
im tired of clubbing..the crowdedness...the drunk/high asshole men there
i have club music...i will dance and prance @ home with dri ;P
I LOVE YOU DRI!!!!!!!!! sexy bitch
dont worry i LOVE you too KAR-KAR! (care-care)
u guis r the best
okay off to bed i go
<3
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| omg drama |
[February 23, 2007 1:28pm] |
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mood |
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 STFU...lol |
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Golden Rule
When you post your opinion online where everyone n there mom can read it, your asking for trouble. if you want trouble bring it on...lol reference to the post i made about calorie scare.
When people vent, they want someone to listen not to do anything about it, most of the time. If so, said person should ask for it.
"one thing i do agree with fred durst on is his "she said he said bullshit", that is so true
blah im going to shut up now before i stick my foot further up my ass.
I have to pay 125 dollars now for fuckin invalid trash disposal, frikkin a...once again the man wins
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| cancelled |
[February 17, 2007 9:39pm] |
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mood |
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 blergh |
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Well, the camping trip was canceled because EVERYONE n their mom had events sudddenly come up :(...I went to the park anyway and helped cleanup by pulling out invasive species but I had this killer stomach pain i thought was cuz i was hungry. we went canoeing which was a lot of fun! mat and i kept crashing into sawgrass lol (he can't paddle) lol but we had a lot of fun, ill post the pix n videos up later when i get'm from him.
Afterwards we went to the Galleria mall, man that place has CHANGED so much! i used to go there as a kid and it was much much different...i kinda miss the ol skool style, but eh who cares. i ate sum sbarros thinking i would feel better, but no avail. so i had to go home eat sum yogurt to help my tum tum and went to sleep.
Thats pretty much my dai, i wanted to go to gamestop and eb games to get sum gamecube/xbox games and possibly buy a ps2 (used) since there so cheap nowadays...but i think everythings closed = gay!
<3
jelly
Update: everyone loves my hair but really want to see the mohawk...my hairs full of way too much gel right now...i gotta take a shower so i can do it over and spike it like a mohawk. seriously dude im fukin crazy and my hair proves it.
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| Dumbass People |
[February 17, 2007 5:21am] |
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 cold |
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TEB |
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Man, I never knew people could be sooo fucking stupid!
 This dumbass is eating only 300-500 calories a day...OMG HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE!
It take me half a year to get where I am now..and I've lost a ton of weight. I still have sum fat here and there...but dude whatever. My goal is to be healthy and realistic. I want to be tone and lean and curvy, like J-Lo's body on the right. But I like Keiras on the left too, but realistically i CANNOT look like that w.o looking like a fuckin skeleton.
These people are going to die...I would never want that to happen but when I hear this shit its like, maybe it would be better...less ppl to pollute others minds,
Everyone always wants what they dunt have but you have to learn to GET OVER IT. You will always be YOU learn to love you for you. The only reason models are skinny is because its easier to throw clothes on people that are the same size than sizes ranging all over the board. You ever try to wear ur friends clothes? Or find sumthing in ur size? exactly.
Everyone, even skinny "perfect" people, should work out because its healthy and necessary for us. Just like everyone needs to eat everything from all the food groups. Even vegans have to get protein from pills because without it...muscles can build themselves...hmm what do muscles do again?
More InfoCross-sectional and prospective surveys have shown that a large percentage of adolescents, particularly females and even those of normal weight, diet at some time. While moderate changes in diet and exercise have been shown to be safe, significant psychologic and physiologic consequences may occur with extreme or unhealthy dieting practices. Moderate dieting has been shown to be associated with negative self-esteem in some adolescents. The very act of starting any diet increases the risk of eating disorders in adolescent girls. Extreme methods of weight loss can have adverse physiologic effects if not closely monitored. Electrolyte disturbances, cardiac dysrhythmias, and even sudden cardiac death can result from unhealthy or extreme dieting practices. Such practices are associated with other problem behavior in adolescents.
Lose weight fast and you will lose muscle
Muscle burns more calories than fat. The more muscle you have the more calories you burn and this applies to when you’re not doing anything strenuous. Losing muscle is therefore not a good idea.
Lose weight fast and you slow your metabolism
When we skip meals or crash diet, our body is programmed to think it's starving and slows down our metabolism to conserve energy.What is conserved is our fat stores; our weight loss comes from water and muscle.
The dangers of crash dieting
Crash dieting refers is a method in which we lose weight simply by restricting the number of calories consumed.
This method of losing weight fast is considered unhealthy, and it is rare that people who do it keep weight off.
They cannot adjust to these new unhealthy eating habits and then put the weight straight back on.
Reasons why losing weight fast is difficult and unhealthy
Our bodies are programmed to help us survive in times of starvation. Our basic body reactions have been set since man first walked the earth and in those days food was not just a phone call, or short walk away. In times gone by, famine was the biggest threat to mans survival and your body is programmed to protect you.
This is why it won't ever lose excessive amounts of fat in a short period of time; your body is programmed to conserve fat. If you drastically reduce your calorie intake, you slow down your metabolism, in order to conserve calories, as we discussed earlier.
This is one reason why we encounter a weight loss quickly is, so difficult as your body actively fights to conserve weight, it’s a survival reflex.
Side Effects of Losing Weight quickly
In addition losing weight quickly has serious side affects that can harm us:
- Appearance of Loose Skin
If you shed weight too quickly, your skin does not have time to shrink to your new body dimensions.
The only effective treatment for this is to fix the lose skin with surgery.
- Gallstones
Studies have shown that people who lose weight quickly, have a greater risk of developing gallstones.
- Lack of energy and illness
Depending on the diet there are a host of other complications including lack of energy and nausea for those who cut out carbs and a general feeling of ill health and lack of energy as you deprive your body of food.
Lose weight slowly
Don’t be taken in by quick fix weight loss, its not possible aim for longer term weight loss.
You will lose weight, keep it off and feel both healthier and happier.
FLAME me if u want...I dont give a rats ass! Just want to give my two cents and sum real information.
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luukkieangvil's journal
fuck
:
dorky
I'm ecstatic...
I think I'm gonna paint it all cell shaded multi colored maddness. I'll post it here!
.....
SOB
so many fucked up things have happened recently..and to top it off i cut my hair again for the 4th time...i think im going to end being bald at the rate im going, but it looks like this now it needs to grow out a bit.